why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
