You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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