Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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