one might say we're banned from that church
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
