Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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