So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
