the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
