Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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