While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
