Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
