my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
