If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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