just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
