Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
