WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
