Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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