You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
