i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
