she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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