she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
