My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You made out with two different species that night
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
