she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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