someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
handjob tips. give me some.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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