Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
