Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize