u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
