I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
