If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
