I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
