i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
