At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
