remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
