Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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