Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
