she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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