Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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