Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
