five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
