I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
