apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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