im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
