We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
