her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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