I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
