I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
His nipple licking is glorious
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