I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Randomize
