i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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