OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
