so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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