Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
