Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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