I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
