hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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