They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
