I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
