Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
