K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Randomize
