My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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