Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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