the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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