Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Drake has all the answers
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
