I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize