Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
