I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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