So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
