the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
