I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
