i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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