Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize