your parents love me but you hate me
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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