the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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