He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
