Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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