so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
