just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
