smell my finger.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
