My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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