So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
