Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
