and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize