I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
