i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
