why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
