The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
