umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
