If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize