One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
