I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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