Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
