Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
