do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize