trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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