Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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