lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
