How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
