Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I need to calm my uterus...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
